


The Cure for Cancer is on the Tip of my Dick

by MUNASHIKU



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Magic Cock, Medical School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:46:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MUNASHIKU/pseuds/MUNASHIKU
Summary: L’s dick will lead Light to the path of righteousness (and the cure for cancer). Crack.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	The Cure for Cancer is on the Tip of my Dick

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [a divine power](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28018197) by [avoidfilledwithcelluloid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avoidfilledwithcelluloid/pseuds/avoidfilledwithcelluloid). 



> A silly and stupid fic idea that spawned from procrastinating on homework that was due in 30 minutes (I have two classes occurring at the same time in 2.5 hours from now and my ice cream is melting in its bowl as I type this, so let’s make this fic quick). Don’t take it seriously. This is slightly inspired by avoidfilledwithcelluloid’s a divine power which is why I can feel free to be silly and make L’s dick unnecessarily holy.

Light was in post-graduate school, more specifically med school, doing research that would revolutionize the medical industry: he was trying to find a cure for cancer. There were too many types to try to conquer them individually, but by figuring out how to target cells with damaged DNA, and then destroying them, he’d be able to concoct the drug that effectively wiped out the ‘immortal’ cancer cells.

Well, most cancers would be cured. Drugs that couldn’t pass the blood-brain barrier wouldn’t be able to cure brain cancer.

He moved on from his God-given task to cleanse the world of evil when he was fucked senseless by L the first time. Light didn’t believe in an actual God, but he was pretty sure he reached enlightenment when the detective’s holy staff invaded his ass and tamed the evil lurking within.

Light send the notebook to the President of the United States and Canada, knowing it will entertain Ryuk but not spiral out of control. Ryuk was so disgusted by the two men fornicating that he took the Death Note and buggered off, not even bothering to kill Light. He’d probably die of some disease contracted from their disgusting deeds anyway.

So with no desire to rid the world of crime, he lost interest in police work—that is, it wasn’t enough to hold his attention, as it didn’t have anything he couldn’t see coming a mile away.

L seemed disappointed to hear that Light was leaving law enforcement, but was interested when Light mentioned that he wanted to take up the medical branch. Apparently he was going to be a doctor.

He wanted to go to an American med school because it would grant him access to more than any medical college in Japan could, as well as spread his touch beyond Japan itself. Of course, he had the highest grades, highest score on the MCAT, and because of his work with the police and the _world’s greatest detective, L_ , he could get into any college he wanted.

Unfortunately, because L still considered Light a Kira suspect, L decided he must tag along, even though Kira had already been caught and the Yotsuba case had closed.

If L hadn’t fucked Light that night on the roof, he was pretty sure that he’d be dead right now. Thank god Light was a virgin, or he may not have given up his role as Earth’s God for more ravaging by L. Sex was a great temporary cure from boredom-induced depression and insanity. L was willing to deliver plenty of doses so long as Light asked.

Despite how other medical students complained about how hard it was to remember the thousand terms per week they were required to memorize, for Yagami Light, it was nothing. He could get it all done and still manage to have time to do research of his own, because he was just that damn smart.

There were many things he could have chosen to target—problems to solve, that is. Problems that helped people without requiring the death of others. Well, sometimes someone had to die in order for another person on a transplant list to receive an organ, but he’d be able to work on that later once he conquered all of the world’s other great medical mysteries. Engineering new technology that wasn’t drug-related for medical cures wasn’t on his highest list of priorities.

He chose cancer.

Cancer had been a blight on society since the dawn of time. One could go into remission but find their cancer come back years later and ruin their life again. Treatment was costly and not guaranteed to work, but it was guaranteed to make the patient sick.

Yagami Light was going to spare them from a potential lifetime of suffering.

So there he was, sitting in his dorm room. He was close to figuring it out. Of course he was—he had one of the world’s most brilliant minds sitting in his head! Oh, and on the bed across from him as well. Yes, L was sitting there, doing things he needed to do on his laptop, squatting in that same awkward pose.

“I’m so close to figuring it out; I just… there’s something here I’m missing,” Light lamented to the silent room.

“Hm… why don’t you talk me through what you’ve got already,” L suggested, closing his laptop and walking over to the other bed where Light was sitting.

“I don’t think you’d understand any of it,” Light muttered in response, rubbing his head in frustration.

“It doesn’t matter. Rubber duck debugging is a technique used in software engineering to help figure out what is wrong in their code. They talk to a rubber duck, explaining the code line-by-line, which inevitably leads them to figuring out what is wrong.”

“So you’re saying you’re my rubber duck.” He looked up from his laptop to stare incredulously at L, surprised that he was so close to Light.

“Yes. Also, I propose that Light-kun sit on my dick in the process of doing so.”

“W-what?”

“Positive association with learning is important. It’s also important not to end up hating your work because you can’t complete it.” L invited himself onto Light’s bed, wiggling his pants off as if he already expected Light to agree with his ridiculous plan.

“I have class in an hour,” Light objected.

“It doesn’t normally take that long to give you a boost of encouragement,” L smiled in response, patting his thigh, so close to his boner. “Hop on.”

Light rolled his eyes but found himself going along with it, despite the absurdity. Clambering about, he stripped the necessary clothing off, grabbed the lube and worked himself and L until he was able to fit around that rod of divinity. He tilted his head back in a sigh of relief, mind temporarily removed from the stress of complex formulas and lines of thought required in solving one of the world’s greatest problems.

When L felt Light was comfortable enough, he motioned Light to begin the rubber ducky debugging of his cancer project.

Light started off strong and smooth, going through the various requirements of what it would take to formulate the targeting of cancer cells, and what defined the cells as cancerous to a drug enough that it would eliminate mostly only the cancer cells. L hummed approval at various intervals, which Light could presume was just L encouraging him, when in reality, L had been keeping track of everything in Light’s classes to the point where he could understand this jargon, too. He wanted Light to work the solution out on his own.

As time went on, though, it was getting harder to concentrate when pleasure was being dumped on his head with basically God’s finger pressing on his prostate. His medical rambling became stilted with mewls and gasps, his eyes fluttering closed but still seeing the research behind his eyelids—he lived, _breathed_ , this project that kept him from going insane… He had to figure out the solution. The words coming out of his mouth were leading him in the right direction. The brain had all the right pieces, it just needed help with some loose end connections.

He was so close, he was _so close_ …

And there it was. He reached it. The way to cure cancer. It was crystal clear in his mind, and he was so shocked that he came unexpectedly, which didn’t give him enough time to warn L or redirect the trajectory of his jizz, so it ended up hitting L square in the face. Probably got in his eyes. L swore, but through stinging eyes managed to fill Light with his cum.

Light caught himself on his hands instead of falling to the side, mind racing. Instead of post-coitus cuddling, he yanked himself off L’s dick and reached for his laptop, curling up in a sitting position similar to L.

“Hey!” L whined.

“I did it. I figured it out.” Light was typing rapidly, unable to wait to get the info from his head onto the computer.

“I knew you could; you just needed a boost.” The younger man couldn’t see the smile, but he knew it was there on L’s face.

.o

It was a risky proposition, but the board approved for trials to be run.

And it was a success.

Yagami Light, boy genius, cured cancer. He hadn’t even gotten his title of “doctor” yet. Cured cancer before he’d gotten a PhD. Was there nothing this man could not do?

The research paper was already typed up and ready to be submitted for peer review.

He stared at his computer, glowing with pride. L had been given the paper to review as well; he’d be one of the peer reviewers despite anonymity usually being one of the main factors of peer reviewers in scientific papers.

“It is amazing. You did great, Light-kun,” L proclaimed his praise.

“I know,” Light smiled cheekily.

“There’s only one problem, easy to fix,” L said, pulling at his bottom lip with his finger, knowing this would likely cause trouble.

“What?” Light turned, genuine surprise on his face. He’d done _everything_ right.

“My name should be credited on there.”

The surprise slowly turned into irritation. “What are you talking about?”

“You wouldn’t have come up with the solution right then and there if I hadn’t fucked you and given you advice,” L smirked. “You’d been sitting on that project for a solid month now, stuck with the last compartment needed for the cure. If it were not for riding on my dick, who knows how long it would’ve taken you to solve the puzzle.”

“You’re being ridiculous!” Sometimes it was so easy to forget why the detective had no friends.

“Do I need to use my dick to convince you of why this is the right thing to do?”

“No!”

“It seemed to be quite effective in guiding you to the right path to curing cancer.”

“I swear to god if you don’t shut the hell up…”

“Given the circumstances,” L glanced down at his crotch, “I’d appeal to my dick.”

“Your dick is not god.”

“I don’t know, Light-kun, it seemed to sway you to the path of righteousness, whereas before you were walking down a path of genocide. It’d take a pretty divine power to change someone like that.”

“After all this time, you’re still trying to say I’m Kira.”

“Perhaps we’ll never know if you are Kira, since no new evidence has come out, but all evidence strongly pointed to you.”

“Perhaps we’ll never know if you’ll be credited for fucking me.”

“Mmm… We’ll see.” L said.

Light didn’t like that statement.

.o

When Light opened up to the prestigious journal that published his article, his eyes immediately jumped to the authors.

Yagami L, L’s Dick.


End file.
